Access NOT Granted
For most of my life, I’ve lived by the philosophy that I’m not obligated to have relationship with anyone. I'm not obligated to have people be a part of my life just because they’re around my life. For years people would say, what happened to so and so, why don't you ever hangout with so and so. And I'd respond "I don't want to" with no further explanation. They’d ask this question about relatives, old friends, and even people that were just friends of friends. People used to view me as mean for saying that but now that everyone is becoming more mental health conscious, I’ve had those same people coming back to me years later saying, " I get it now."
I was inspired to write about this topic of blocking people, or restricting access to yourself after watching a TikTok video by @VipStepMom entitled “My Favorite B Word”. That B word was Block! In the TikTok she spoke about blocking people in real life and on social media. Her video echoed words that I had been speaking for years. You aren’t obligated to have people in your life. It doesn’t matter if y’all were best friends since pre-k, cousins, siblings, they birthed you, or even if you birthed them. Contrary to popular belief, you can’t teach people to respect you. It’s an internal choice that they must make for themselves. If they are already being disrespectful, that internal choice has already been made.
The decision to “Block” or restrict access to yourself is one that comes easy to some but is incredibly hard for others. None the less, once you've made the decision to block, there will be those that say, "You're running from your problems" or "that's avoidance". Is it though? Or are you just placing the value of your peace and wellbeing above all else? Let's take my job as an example. I’ve been teaching at the same school for 7 years. It is truly my comfort zone and I love all the staff and students. If there were ever a person or people that made it become an uncomfortable or toxic environment for me personally, I'd be willing to leave. Yes, I'd leave not knowing what the next situation would look like. I’m sure there would be people to say, "oh you let so and so run you out the school" and my response to that would be "okay".
There would be no further explanation needed nor given. Honestly, that “okay” response would be if I respond at all, because those that really know me, know that I hate to waste words. If I feel like my words aren't going to be received, or make a difference, I stay silent. I could literally be in the middle of the conversation (not argument because I refuse to do that with anyone) going back and forth with a person but once I reach the point where I feel like we're going in circles, I'll just stop talking. I don’t feel the need to “talk things out” or “clear things up” when the relationship isn’t of value.
What I’ve learned from listening to Isaiah frizzelle (follow him on IG and TikTok) is that when you’re considering restricting access to yourself, you can ask yourself, is it a misunderstanding I’m having with someone that’s causing the conflict or is it character recognition? Think about the history of the relationship and the person your seeking change or a resolution from. Ask yourself, is it worth it? Does my life lose any value without this person? More importantly, does having this person in my life add value? If the person or people don’t add anything, they can go!
